Mobsters Claim Executive Privilege

Following on the heels of the Bush Administration’s invocation of executive privilege to prevent anyone testifying about the White House’s contention that it "had nothing to do with any allegation," alleged mobsters in Hoboken, NJ yesterday claimed what they called "executive privilege and stuff,"  to avoid "snitching" on each other before a district court judge.

Nicklaus Tromboni, 33, of Jersey City made the claim before Judge George Wannamaker of the third circuit, appearing in his own defense. "Your honor," he said, "not that I broke any laws or nothing, but how can I and my associates ever hope to give each other candid advice about our alleged plots to rob banks, knock off goons, and shake down old ladies and whatnot, if every time I open my yap, someone can testify about it in court?"

The prosecutor, Mary McGonical, pointed out that only the President of the United States can claim executive privilege, and he has to do it in writing, and only for matters relating to his personal conversations with his advisers.

"And where in the Constitution does it say that?" Tromboni asked. Indeed, DA McGonical was at a loss to find where this special privilege was actually carved into law. "Besides, we are accused of executing six people. That’s executive if I ever heard it. Furthermore," Trombini went on, "haven’t you heard of ‘honor among thieves?’ It’s our own constitution. It clearly states that no bad-ass shall snitch on any other bad-ass under pain of pain. To ask us to violate our sacred oath is to ask us to cease being who we are, which may in and of itself be a violation of the 14th amendment. Equal protection and stuff."

Indeed, the judge seemed to agree. If President Bush was able to silence former staffers who may or may not have been involved with criminal conspiracies to violate federal statutes against partisan hiring for career DOJ officials, he argued, then that right extended to every citizen as well.

"Though the idea of putting candid advice above sound legal advice seems troubling to me, and though anyone who counsels illegal activity is, in fact, a criminal, I don’t see how we can compel anyone to testify about anything after this," he said. He then cleared the court room and issued an indefinite recess.

Asked about these latest developments in New Jersey, White House spokesman Tony Snow said only, "No comment."

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